Thai reflexions

I am in Thailand, and this wonderful country has made me think a lot about sex. This is quite rare for me, since I am usually only thinking about how to make the world a better place for myself. Still, sometimes I get distracted. I am only human. This pious country has also made me think about religion. The Catholic one, of course, not this strange colourful stuff they worship here. It is only natural that I should end up by thinking about the two together.

The question that has been bugging me for days is this one. Did Jesus have a hard-on when he died on the cross? That happens to most people who die of asphyxiation. It would certainly explain the impressively high concentration of Marias thereabout.

Since I am attending a conference on investment issues, I have also been thinking about finance a lot. I came up with two really good investment ideas, but for some reason people didn’t really pick them up. Probably because they are terribly boring and bourgeois.

First of all, hedge funds should tap into the market of gyms in developing countries. Not only would they make us rich visitors happy, by allowing us to burn off some of the fat we accumulate in these endless conferences, but they would also get more young men into body-building, and make us more happy to pay them for sex.

Secondly, hedge funds should support investment into illegal immigration of unskilled youths towards the developed world. The returns would be very high and shareholders would not only profit from these, but also from the presence of hunky young men back at home, possibly turning into rent boys to make a living.

Oh I do love Jesus and the endless inspiration he gives me!

[and those hunky Thai boxers, who alas are not here but in Australia...]

Cucumbers

P recalls his latest meal with F, F's "friend", and an out-of-town-guest; P, curious to know where the conversation would go next, turns on his video camera…

P: So, what would you like to talk about?

[pause]

F: [giggling like a pervert in a sex toy shop] I have another question…hee, hee.

P: Another question about what, F?

F: Have you ever thought about anal penetration? [clearly unaware that he has asked us all this very question 50 times; he already knows the answer!]

P: About what?

F: [oblivious to the fact that we all heard him, as did the table behind us] Anal penetration!

F's "friend": [blushing]

P: Why would I ever think about that?

F: I mean, as an individual. You're a smart… [Editor's note: no idea what thinking about anal penetration has to do with being an individual or smart.]

P's out-of-town-guest: [earnestly] Do you recommend it to heterosexuals too?

F: I would try…because it's different.

P: What's different?

F: It's like…well, have you ever tried ice cream?

[pause]

P's out-of-town-guest: What flavour ice cream is it like?

F: Chocolate! It like you have never tasted chocolate ice cream and you eat it for the first time! [very camp] It's like, "oh my god!" But, like haven't you ever even tried with a finger up your ass? [visual simulation of what the finger might look like]

P's out-of-town-guest: You haven't done that, P?

P: No.

P's out-of-town-guest: What about a cucumber?

P: Yes.

F: [unaware of sarcasm] Oh, really!!!

P: Come on?! Everyone's tried to put a cucumber up their ass.

F: [still unaware of sarcasm] Oh no, I don't think they have!

P: [to F's "friend"] You?

[no answer...gurgling sound and change of topic]