Let them pay

Dinner over at G's, A and J are eating sausage and potatoes. F is late as usual. Arrives, sits, complains about lack of bread, then starts stuffing his face.

J.: You look smart, all suited and booted. Did you have some important meeting?
F.: No, this is how I dress every day. It's because I am becoming chubby.
J.: !??
F.: Yes. I don't attract new lovers with my body any more. So I show them I might have money, like I am a banker or something, and they hope they might get paid at the end of performing sex with me. Only then do I tell them I work for charity (I don't tell them it's posh, they wouldn't be able to tell the difference)...
A.: That's bollocks. You only pick up in saunas. And without glasses. So you can't tell how ugly they are. The suit is just to hide your fat, not to facilitate your seduction moves.
F.: Fuck off.
A.: Fat arse.
F.: Anyway, I have an important job. [turns to J.] I organise international events, you know. I will be organising one in Portugal soon. And then I have to go to China. Oh and Putin wants my help too, so I'll return to Russia too. He's such a lovely guy.
A.: Yes, just ask those who are languishing in his prisons. Lovely guy, sure. Shame you never actually met him, blagger. And don't worry about global warming, really. Why should you?
F.: That's right, why should I? [turns to G.] By the way, I just got an Iraqi speaker for my next conference. I am SOOOOOOO happy!
G.: What does he do?
F.: I don't know. He's from Iraq. That's all I need to know. I am collecting nationalities, and when they come from warzones it's even better.
A.: So people will come to this conference to hear about third sector networks and you will present them with a speaker from a country that is virtually cordoned off from the rest of the world. What use is that?
F.: You're so boooring. He's from Iraq! He'll tell stories of big muscular American soldiers raping everybody and make everyone weep! That's what people want!!
A.: You're talking like the head of Fox News Corporation...
F.: Lovely Fox News. So interesting, not like booooooring BBC or worse. They should be my media partners...! Let me see if I have their business card here... Let's see... No, nothing here... [pausing for a second, in reflection] Maybe I should go to Iraq? There are lots of soldiers there... and I know what I could do to make those big Americans horny...! I could dress in one of those Guantanamo orange suits...
A.: [leaves the room to go attempt suicide]